Day 3: Medical gaslighting and the trauma that followed

"Drug seeker", "Hysterical", "Difficult", "Attention seeker"

For years I knew something was wrong with my health when month after month I went through painful periods, fatigue, and diarrhea. The ordeal was beyond explanation. Growing up in a family that chooses to resort to home-remedies initially for any and all illnesses, I tried my best to find things that might work but in vain. So I started making appointments with doctors to talk about my symptoms that were affecting all aspects of my life to a great extent. Sadly, instead of listening to my concerns and probing into the probable causes to give me a diagnosis, all they did was label me. The labels were more than I could count on my hand, but there was usually a common pattern. I didn't know back then that behavior like this is referred to using the term medical gaslighting.

 
             Pic credit: @autoimmuneabbey                                   Pic credit: @r.a.r.e.advoc8

Here's a short list of selected events from my life that highlights how insensitive some medical professionals can be to patients' woes:

• As I mentioned in yesterday's post, my first experience with medical gaslighting was back in 2008 when my grandmother took me to our family physician after I begged her to understand that I was indeed in a lot of pain. I was just a 11 year old waiting in the doctor's office seeking validation for my pain, and waiting for him to put me out of my misery. Instead, the old male doctor looked me in the eye, dismissed my case with:
  "This is a teenager's drama to seek attention. Just take a paracetamol tablet."

• A couple years later, another general physician that I went to cut me mid-sentence with:
  "You aren't 20 years old yet, but you have more than 20 problems! Go home, drink some lemon water. You'll be fine."

• Another general physician said:
  "You just have to learn to deal with this. It will all get better when you grow up, get married and have children."
  (Ohh the irony! Women with endometriosis often battle infertility).

• Some time around 2014, I finally walked into a gynecologist's office because I had made up my mind that there was no point in seeking help from general physicians. And imagine my shock when true to the orthodox Indian mentality, the first few words out of her mouth were:
  "Are you married? You seem too young to be married!" I shook my head and said that I wasn't. "Then why on earth are you here in my office?"
  I couldn't believe my ears! In the 21st century, gynecologists still expect to see only 'married' women walking into their offices under 2 circumstances - when they are pregnant, or when they are having difficulty getting pregnant. What followed was a short and humiliating experience before I walked out the door more hurt than I was when I walked in.

On my family's suggestion I even reached out to medical professionals in my extended family and shared my symptoms in the hope that they might be able to help me with a diagnosis, but in vain. After numerous such attempts, I had given up on the hope of ever finding a doctor with the will to listen to my side of the story and the ability to diagnose my condition. That was until I met my current gynecologist who was a godsend. I am happy to have found her after 11 excruciatingly painful years. But I often look back at the numerous times I have desperately sought out help, understanding and acceptance and I wonder what life would have been like for me if I had a diagnosis in 2008 instead of 2019. To others it might just be 11 years. To me it is more than 120 crippling periods dismissed by society, and over 1800 days of pain. Let that sink in.

Since 2019 I have shared my story with a few others. Unfortunately, my story echoes the experiences of many people with similar invisible illnesses. That is when I realized that doctors often tend to downplay or dismiss a patient's problems with "It is all in your head" when they are unable to identify the cause. And believe it or not, certain sects of the society have it worse than the others - women and people of color. I can't even imagine what life would be like for a black woman with a chronic medical condition - they have twice the chance as me of going unheard and being victimized.

This blog's intent is to shed light on an issue that is seldom spoken about so that lesser people fall prey to this trap. It is high time that we draw the medical community's attention to conditions like these because medical gaslighting is traumatic, and it discourages patients from seeking further help. The least doctors can do when patients walk into their office is to not accuse them of faking it!

#EndoTheStigma