Day 5: The last straw that got me one step closer
There is always a final straw but it isn't any worse than the dozens of straws that came before. They were the same. You just finally learned that you are more than you settled for.
After I graduated in Dec 2018, I moved cross-country to relocate myself to California - the Golden State. I had found myself a job and an apartment in the heart of San Francisco, and I was content with it. I didn't know anyone in the new city, and I was eager to meet people and make friends. The thing with not being a party-animal in a city like San Francisco is that you miss out on the general events and venues where you get to meet people. But then I discovered that SF had its very own local chapter of Asha for Education.
For those of you who don't know, Asha is a volunteer-run non-profit dedicated to support the education of physically/mentally challenged and underprivileged children back in India. Though I had heard about Asha from my uncle & aunt who were Team Asha volunteers who raised funds by running marathons, my association with the organization started back in Georgia Tech with the Asha Atlanta chapter. As someone who loves volunteering and believes in giving back to the society, I decided to connect with the Asha SF chapter. I signed up to run the SF Half Marathon in July 2019 and started training with Team Asha 3 months prior to the event. I wasn't at my physical best to meet the standards of the rigorous training, but I kept giving it my best with immense support from the mentors & coaches. And that is when the hidden monster reared its ugly head again.
Training for a half-marathon was challenging for me because thanks to my health it had been years since I had been physically active. It took me a couple of weeks to get used to running a small distance with enough control on my breath. And just when I was adjusting to the training regime, I had to run during my menses for the first time. A couple of miles into the run that day I ended up with excruciating cramps, heavier than usual bleeding with clots, lesser endurance and more fatigue. I collapsed on the side of the road, and I could feel my face reddening as I struggled to hold back my tears because the pain was getting unbearable with each passing second. My Asha teammates who noticed my helplessness stood by me till I felt better enough to go home and rest. It was after that episode that a couple of them started pushing me to go see a gynecologist here in USA. Partly due to my past experiences with medical gaslighting, and partly because I was scared of a potential diagnosis I hesitated to schedule an appointment until after my half-marathon. Those 3 months were really hard, and the physical exertion perhaps worsened my condition over that time. Reflecting back, all I can say is I wish I had sensed the urgency in my body's pleas for help.
Anyway, it was finally in August of 2019 that I managed to hesitantly schedule an appointment with Dr. M (my current gynecologist), after extensive research about her background and reviews from former & current patients. Given her reputation I was hopeful of getting a diagnosis, but I also didn't want to count my chickens before they had hatched. I was a bundle of nerves when I walked into her office the first time, but her staff ensured that I was calm and at ease before Dr. M walked in. After the annoying doctors I had run into in the past, Dr. M was a welcome change. She walked in with a smile and sat down next to me before she said "Looks like you came in because you have been experiencing painful periods. How are you feeling now? Can you tell me more about your history and your symptoms?" I felt so overwhelmed in that moment because for the first time in my life I was sitting across from someone who actually asked me how I felt! From a long list of symptoms I wanted to talk about I hesitantly mentioned a few and to my pure surprise, she finished the list and asked if I was experiencing those too. I nodded my head in disbelief because I finally felt like I was inching closer to the validation I had been seeking all along. As we wrapped up this discussion, she told me that she is certain that I have PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). She suspected that I might also have endometriosis & adenomyosis, but she couldn't confirm those unless we did more tests. While I had heard about PCOS before, all the other terms was completely new to me. Dr. M patiently explained these terms and the treatment options that I had. It is not a great feeling sitting across from a doctor all by yourself while they deliver a heap of bad news. I suddenly found myself panicking and feeling dizzy. It took me a while to gain back my composure before I thanked her and walked out. It was definitely a day of mixed emotions, but just getting started on a path to diagnosis felt like having won half the battle!
(To be continued...)
#EndoTheStigma
P.S.:
If you are interested in learning more about my half-marathon journey, please read my 5-part blog series here.
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